The Next Great Challenge

The journey never ends. It cycles, just as the earth on it's axis around the sun. The phases we go through and endure are tests, challenges, and reminders when they return in the next turn in the wheel of life.

This past 24 months or so has been the most seasoning times of my life so far. I can see the potential for huge leaps and shifts really settling in on deeper and deeper levels as the cycles continue and I get to look through a broader lens of experience, wisdom and maturity.

Once you've visited the brink of insanity and the edge of losing your self entirely, it seems there is a different relationship with all of it. A relationship of patience and perseverance and a certain knowingness that frieking out or reacting is not the path of least resistance, nor does it do any good.

My current lover sent me a text the other day that said, "Worry is like praying for something you don't want." I loved it, and feel it's resonance so deeply.

If ever there was a time when I could, or maybe even should worry, it might be now. The next great challenge of my life looms in the pot of possibilities in a more real way today even than it did yesterday, yet I feel totally non-reactive to it, nor am I concerned regardless of what the outcome may be.

I guess most people in my generation must be aware of the very present reality that cancer is in our lives. The statistics are one out of two, which is probably low but it's hard to say one out of every 1.5 people or one out of every half person which is probably more of a realistic ratio.

I got the news today that I have an adnexal ovarian cyst, which apparnetly from what I learned today, differs from a regular old ovarian cyst which wouldn't have gotten much attention from the Dr. today because it apparently doesn't typically just disappear without treatment. That's about all I know so far, except for what I read on line which is far from positive or even worth writing about.

Since I got the news several hours ago I've just been sitting with all the possible possibilities which range from nothing needing to be done to the possibility of cancer and surgery. The beautiful part about something like this is it really makes you look at your life and consider how you've been living. The beautiful part for me is that I realized I am not afraid of any outcome. I'm not afraid of cancer, and not really even afraid of dying.

It's been a good life. I have no complaints. I've lived an incredible existence, touched many lives, been a pretty good person, had a lot of fun, and I know I have an incredibly strong will that can work amazing miracles.

The Next Great Challenge is possibly looming large on the horizon. I don't really know yet. What I do know, is that no matter what this challenge presents, I am OK with the outcome.

I'd rather live a short life that has been full and real than a long life of disappointments and misery.