After almost a whole year of deep self work, maddening depths of grief and anger, travel and playful digging into the wild side of myself, I am enjoying the journey of coming inward again as winter sets in and the Rocky Mountains turn to a crispy white. It's the time of year where I am content to stay home and write or read rather than go out on the town, and of course also the time of year when I start to think about getting to a warmer climate.
This year though, I'm not in a hurry. I am truly enjoying the turning of the seasons as I am feeling the turning in of myself. I feel seasoned, matured and ready to reflect on the journey I've been going through with an appreciative, happy heart and a curious mind. What else is possible? What other jewels are lying around on pages of journals I wrote in those times or within my own evolving heart and mind? What other little nuggets are coming forth to be shined into shimmering gold?
In 3 months it will be two full years since I left my relationship, and close to a year since the real "grand finale" actually played itself out. It feels like much longer. It feels like a small lifetime within a lifetime. It's almost impossiable to even remember what my life was like back then, it's like a vauge distant dream that almost doesn't seem like it ever even happened. I can't remember his touch, or how he smelled. I can't even remember having fun with him. I don't have any bad feelings or any good ones. I'm detached and I'm OK with that. I have no desire or need to talk to him, or see him and if I did see him I don't think I'd bother to stop and chat. It's really done within me and I'm perfectly content with it at last.
When I see the path that is unfolding, I am so grateful for every moment of it and I can see that every little piece of it was necessary in order for me to be here now.
I feel like a much different person than I was when this journey back to self began. I feel seasoned, clear and more grown up. I feel settled into my skin and safe in my own intuitive abilities to choose what is good for me and reject that which doesn't serve. I trust the people around me and know that I am now really in a flow that is bringing me into the woman I have always known that I truly am: wild, wise, free and blissed!
I have found peace as a solitary, soveriegn woman living in this world. I trust my wild primal intuitive abilities to listen with devoted attention to the wisdom that my years has brought me. The book doesn't end with me meeting my life partner and going happily ever after into another relationship: I don't need to find a man to make me complete or to fulfill me. The book ends with this woman looking in the mirror and smiling to herself and saying, "Good work! Life is so sweet. My joy and happiness are up to me and I'm choosing to be live in bliss because love wants to live me!"
The book ends with this woman looking at what is and loving every bit of it right down to the thread dangling off the corner of the pillow on the bed!
The Awakening is ON and the journey back to self continues in every moment, every breath and every day!
If and when a king arrives, the queen will be chillin out sipping wine in gratitude for the sun setting over the lake! If he doesn't, she will still be smiling from ear to ear and dancing to every groove life brings!
