Shifting

Seven months and this is still going on. Something in me is shifting, and I am finding myself wondering what exactly I'm thinking by even allowing this to be the way it is. I'm totally letting him dictate the terms of it all and in the midst my heart is feeling unsafe and more vulnerable than ever. Something in the whole process is exciting to me, to try on a new way of being, to try on this concept of open relationship and explore it within the context of an 8 year love that clearly is far from "over" or "done." Yet something is shifting, organically and maybe because it must.

Clearly we love each other, deeply and truly beyond all stories and beyond all circumstances. Clearly we want to spend time together and not be "done" or "finished." Clearly, his allusions to possible future times working and being together are founded in his heart.

And clearly, this is not allowing me to fully move forward with a new life and into new possibilities. And clearly, my intuition, through dreams and then clear reminders from the women he's been involved with, is speaking truth to me to be very careful and to get out now with what's left of my dignity.

So I am making a committment to shifting fully into myself and a more realized state of beingness where my life, my work and my passions can come forth again. I have put way too much time and energy into worrying and being concerned about what he's up to and who else he is sleeping with, etc. and that all needs to shift into myself and my future work and life. Giving him full permission and the space to be with those women is the best thing I could do, it's really all he has been asking for and it's time I allow it and not care anymore and not let it dictate my own self worth or self esteem. If he wants to go be with his little stripper friend, so be it. I have higher goals to think about and a world to share with and be of service to.