Medicating

Friday, June 18, 2010

I’m reading all this good philosophical and psychological stuff on the ego, the pain-body and how these entities aren’t really who we are, it’s not really our true selves, but it’s where we live most of the time and where we act and react from. Trying to get it, and feel that, and maybe it can help me out of this mess… something needs to or I may just go completely insane with it all. I did have some success this morning. Went to the Doctor yesterday and am for the first time in my life, medicating. Seems so ridiculous, but I don’t know where else to turn right now. I need to sleep and I need to calm down. Good news for me is they put me on a psychotropic, which is almost familiar enough to enjoy but makes me feel a little funky for sure.

Realizing and recognizing I am just holding on to some stupid need to try to make things better and heal, and that the healing has to start within me at this point. Really it’s all about me just finding a way to let go of the repetitive story in my head that just keeps haunting and hurting me.